Ever since the Growth Mindset presentation by Joe Salvatore, I had time to reflect about how I need to give myself more credit for the work that I do. I am harsh towards myself because whenever I am given a task, the outcomes need to come out perfect. I am a perfectionist and I cannot help it. Everything needs to be perfect when I am writing a paper, creating a poster, organizing files, or giving a presentation and even though it may seem like a strength, I believe it is a weakness because my perfection is the cost of stress and anxiety my body and mind must endure. I always want to control the outcomes and have it my way.
However, after Salvatore’s presentation I began to reflect about everything I have done in the past that has led me to be where I am right now. For example, when I got an email of my acceptance to the UROP-WAGFSP, I kept on telling myself that I did not deserve this opportunity and I actually denied the offer at first. When I submitted my application I kept on telling myself that I would not be accepted (I know, super negative) because according to me, my paper was not perfect. So, after I submitted my application I forgot about how much work I put into my application and let it go from my thoughts.
My mind was set on one day receiving an email where it would say, “Thank you for application, but we are sorry to inform you that you did not get in.” I really did think this way because I did not want to spend my summer away from my family and California. Leaving my home, was a challenge I did not want experience. Then I was shocked when I got an email stating my acceptance and I did not tell anyone about it because I was going to deny the offer anyways. I just kept on telling myself, “No, I think they made a mistake” and slowly began to convince myself that my application was not enough to get me in. My application was not perfect in my state of mind, therefore I believed that I did not deserve the offer. However, when I talked to my advisor and mentor, they both pretty much trapped me into a corner (thank you Carla and Kelly!) to take advantage of this opportunity because it was once in a life time. I am so thankful to have them in my life because the opportunity to be here has allowed me to practice having a growth mindset by being more open minded (even though it was hard at first), compassionate, and patient with myself.
Having a growth mindset is difficult, but I have been practicing it more often while being here at the University of Michigan. Especially after I forgot the passcode to unlock my phone. When I could not remember the passcode I had for 2 years, I literally broke down crying and sacrificed my sleep with the stress of believing it was the end of the world for me. Then I realized that I was making myself unhappy. This was a major turning point during my time here because after that, I have been more compassionate towards myself by making sure to give myself breaks and treating myself to ice cream when stressed. Everything happens for a reason, and if I had to forget my passcode to become conscious about how the power of a growth mindset allows me to know that I have no control over the unimaginable options an outcome may result in and I have been okay with that. That to me is a success because I have learned the difference between putting effort in my work and trying to be perfect to impress others.