I have to be completely honest. Even if I tried to hide my completely late blog post, the time stamp would give it away. Yes, this was supposed to be posted five days ago. No, I did not remember to put my blog post dates in my Google Calendar– the only application that keeps my head straight these days. So, I’ll be upfront about my tardiness of a post and I apologize. I’ve been out of winter semester for four weeks, and suddenly all the extra lengths of self discipline that was abruptly thrusted upon us in March had disappeared. I’ve been getting myself back into order with summer research, and I’m glad for it, too. I realize that the lack of routine that many praise as independence and freedom in designing your day how you see fit, is proving to be my downfall. Now, if this fellowship were occurring under more ordinary circumstances, my weeks would have been filled with walks to in person seminars, getting frustrated about parallel parking five minutes prior, and having a professional workspace in my lab to get in the zone.
The biggest challenge, at least in the very beginning of the summer program, should’ve been me getting an anxious tummy ache from finding the right meeting room. However, the biggest challenge for me in the first weeks has been staying on top of assignments and tasks that definitely have a clear deadline, and yet, time passes without me really processing that it is doing so. As I mentioned earlier, Google Calendar definitely helps. But the disciplinary mindset has to come from within, and not a digital crutch to dictate my days. It’s more difficult than I’d like to admit. Researching remotely for me doesn’t differ that drastically from what I would have been doing if things were normal. My lab is not a wet lab, but rather, focuses on social psychology and human behavior relating to race and gender. Because of the very nature of the lab’s work, much of the research would have already been done through the computer. However, what is detrimental to me in terms of remote work is the lack of work space. Since high school, I have known that the best way to get me “the zone,” was packing my backpack up and heading to whatever coffee shop or library I was feeling that day. Sitting in a cool space with an empty table, free of familiar distractions and surrounded with equally determined and hardworking people helped me get going. Moving home for the rest of the semester was a difficult decision, with equally difficult consequences. My sleep schedule went sideways, and I found myself going to bed as the sun (and the rest of the world) woke up for work. Thankfully, the accommodations that my classes chose to make for the pandemic allowed me to sleep in, and I never missed out on sleep to attend classes. It may be a surprise to whoever is reading, but I realized I kind of liked working at night. My family was quiet, and the long night ahead of me just felt free. I had a clearer head at the darkest hours of the night than I had during my sleepy afternoons. It’s been 3 months since the start of COVID-19 measures and I have moved back to campus for research.
My main motivation behind moving back to campus was to trick my mind into becoming more productive and motivated than at my childhood home. Although I can’t frequent my favorite studying spots on campus, I am a bit closer than I was. That should make a difference, right? Although it is clear that I am still working on getting situated with working in locations completely out of my element, I think being on campus generally helps. I think being away from my family kickstarts my brain into slightly more adult and mature mode, instead of relapsing into my teenage angst self at home. And, although my sleep schedule has not really adjusted back into normalcy, I’ve learned that (at least for right now) that’s okay. I’m doing the best I can, and I’m getting the work done that I need to for my research lab. The night owl hours that I choose to do it at doesn’t particularly matter. I apologize again for the late blog post, but I promise the rest will be very punctual. I’m really excited to share more in depth on what my lab works on, and specifically what I am working on.