The concept of business has been on my mind a lot throughout quarantine. Obviously, switching from life as a full-time student with work, extracurricular, and social responsibilities, to the life of a person who quite literally cannot leave the house, has been a huge adjustment. No longer do I have hours of out-of-home commitments every day, requiring me to wake up early and stay up late. My classes are over and my social calendar is all but empty.
But still – I am SO busy.
Even with all my routine business stripped from my life, I still find myself “too busy” to call my grandma, “too busy” to go on a run, and “too busy” to start that book I’ve had on my desk since September. But with what am I busy?
In lab the past couple of weeks we have been talking about business as a manner of signaling worth in our lives. When we are more busy, do our lives feel more worthwhile? If we are too busy for leisure, does that make us feel more important? Does it make us more important?
The short answer (in my own humble opinion, not tied to the data analysis or lab whatsoever) is no. And that should seem obvious. Why would us having more to do indicate our lives are more worthy? But at the same time, why do we try so desperately to fill the void that business once filled with more and more business? Will life ever be comfortable if we just sit still?
Although the stay at home order in Michigan has been lifted, and I am working to fill my hours with this fellowship, I am trying to maintain an intentional focus on stillness and rest. Instead of finding my worth in the noisiness of my life, I am searching to find it in the quiet.
If I hope to learn anything from this time in quarantine, I need to first give myself permission to step back and learn, to step back and reflect, to step back and be still. True worth comes not from what I do, but from how I do it. I am committing to showing up with passion, a full heart, and great enthusiasm in all that I do. Perhaps being “too busy” for this self-work is detrimental after all.