Re-reading my first blog from the beginning of WAGSFP, I feel like I’ve grown this summer. I know it has only been – what – 2 months? But this summer has felt incredibly transformative in terms of both my experience as a researcher and just as a person outside WAGSFP. In my initial blog, I expressed a ton of self-doubt. You can practically smell how nervous and apprehensive I was about starting my project with my mentor Denise. However, I’m glad to be writing that my confidence has grown tremendously over the course of the summer. The beginning of my project was somewhat of a train wreck, if I’m being honest. I had to familiarize myself with the software we’re using, how to run statistical tests, what tests to even run, how to interpret them, how to interpret qualitative trends in my data – the list goes on. The crazy thing is that looking back I feel like I’ve learned so much, but the journey has been so fun and rewarding that I don’t feel like I struggled at all to stay motivated trying to learn these new skills. I don’t mean to say research is always easy, though. It’s actually been quite daunting for me the past couple years, and that feeling hasn’t really subsided. Feeling like you don’t know what you’re doing or what direction you’re going is scary when the project doesn’t quite go according to plan. That’s what happened to me midway through the summer when Denise and I hypothesized we’d see all these patterns in the data that ended up not being there or not being as pronounced. I was bummed and dejected because I felt like my work was being undermined/contradicted. On the other hand, Denise didn’t like to see it as a failure. She liked to call the process ‘creative chaos.’ Creative chaos is a funny term, and it kind of reminds me of a tornado. I envision all of my data swirling around me and I’m aimlessly trying to grasp at something. The important part of creative chaos is that if you keep working at it, the chaos will eventually settle. I’m incredibly glad Denise discussed this with me because it can be hard and disheartening to push on when the results of a project I’ve been working at aren’t what I wanted them to be. In the end, though, just as Denise predicted, the chaos settled, and I feel like I’m making strides in my data analysis. I’m proud that I learned to keep my cool and not to stress over the inability to see answers right away. I’ve come to enjoy using that term a lot – creative chaos. It describes my life outside of research too, with studying for the MCAT, spending time with friends, juggling family, and also finding time for myself. The chaos can definitely feel pretty overwhelming at times, but seeing myself tame that chaos within my project has given me a lot more confidence addressing the chaos outside of research.
With that, I want to address the last part of my first blog that lists my interests from the beginning of the summer. Here are my updates:
- I am still obsessed with that dish from Lan City. It’s the Chong Qing Noodle dish. I love spicy food, so this is still a favorite.
- I don’t go the IM much anymore. The busses are kind of a pain in the butt right now with the construction and now the art fair. By the way has anyone checked out the art fair?? It is absolutely awesome!
- I’m still trying to befriend squirrels but some are a little too friendly and it’s scary.
- Kicked the online shopping habit, thankfully.
- Still waking up pretty early : ) It’s easy when I know I’m not walking out to 3 feet of snow like I will be in a few months.
- Still into the crime shows (Law and Order)
- Still grabbing lunch out whenever I can! I need to try as many AA restaurants as possible while I’m here!!
-Megan