I like to journal in my free time, so my post this week is a reflection about what I have been thinking/writing about the past couple of days.
Many of you probably know that I am a rower (even though I am not rowing this summer). In high school, I was blessed to have been able to compete at the World Championships a couple of times and was then recruited to row at Michigan. Although that is not the only part of my identity, rowing has felt like it was my sole purpose or mission for several years. Every morning, first thing when I woke up, I would close my eyes and visualize crossing the finish line first at Worlds in first place. In the middle of every practice, I would close my eyes while rowing and imagine it again. And finally, I would envision the scene once more as I closed my eyes to sleep. This thought was not a daydream, not at all. It was a reality because I knew exactly what I needed to do to make it happen. It was a tangible, realistic goal that I deeply craved and believed in. The thought was overwhelming, my body always responded with goosebumps prickling up on my arms and a chill washing over my body, even during rows in the 85 degree heat.
You see, rowing, or any athletic pursuit, is incredibly simple. The process of achieving success is clear; you work hard, you get results; you work harder, you get better results. Yes, there is some variation in what it means to “work hard,” but effort put in is generally quite transparent. Similarly, the way to measure success is painstakingly clear as well; there are winners, there are losers, and you know where you stand.
My rowing pursuits allowed me to wake up everyday knowing what I could do to improve, to win. It was my known purpose. I think this is why humans are so attracted to sports, they crave the tangible knowledge of success that comes with winning. We lack confidence in the meaning of our day-to-day lives and work, we need to be reaffirmed that we are great and that what spend our time doing produces results. We want life to be clear and simple.
My biggest challenges in this “real world job” and the “real world” in general is the lack of knowing that what I am doing is beneficial. I wake up each day not knowing what I will do at work, and most definitely not knowing whether or not the effort I am putting in will be helpful or produce positive results. What should my focus be on in life? I like to think that I care about social equity, environmental sustainability, and economic development equally, but that isn’t really possible. How can I go about achieving these three pillars in Detroit? I can’t vividly imagine a brighter future, especially when I am unsure of what a brighter future holds.
Is this post sort of a downer? Maybe, yeah. It’s hard, but I am trying to trust more in the sticky, complicated process of achieving big goals in the real world. I am remaining optimistic and working hard, believing that my effort will pay off. I hope that it will for you too. Let me know if you have any advice…
